There was still enough of me left to know that I never wanted to ever get that lost again. If anyone else wanted to be a part of my life, they were going to do it on my terms. It was time for me to get serious about life. Time started moving faster. I felt an overwhelming urgency to accomplish something by the time I was thirty. Love was simply a luxury for people who weren't on a mission. Maybe I would never know love.
OK. Time to combine my business experience with music. I was about to draft my family, and anyone else I could capture, including the boy next door, into the Keeli's Grammy Army. We started on a fund-raising campaign that marched halfway across East Brevard County. We were going to raise the money to produce an album that would knock the music world right out of its socks!
We put together an entertainment package that would have made the USO proud. We had magicians, musicians and pony rides; T-shirts and face painting clowns. Why, we cooked up enough barbecue to feed an entire garrison. We gave away tickets on the radio, and even sold ads for our program, to local businesses. This was going to be huge! We thought we would raise so much money that we decided to give some of it away to a local children's charity. All we needed now were people. Who was it we gave that assignment to? We did assign it to someone, didn't we?
To say the turnout was disappointing would be an understatement. We made enough to pay for the port-a-potties, the supplies and the clowns. After giving what we had promised to charity, we wound up with about enough money to pay for a tank of gas. We should have written a cookbook on leftover barbecue recipes. It seems we lost that particular marketing battle.
Did I forget to mention that back when I opened my front door, the boy from next door was standing there? In fact, every time I turned around, he was there, doing things for me. Fixing my car, building platforms for me to perform from, cooking barbecue . . . and waiting. There probably wasn't anything he wouldn't have done, if I had asked him. Why was he always there? I guess he was just a kid with nothing better to do than hang around with a woman who was obviously suffering from delusions of grandeur.
It was kind of nice, having someone around to talk to. Someone who knew how hard I was trying to accomplish something. Someone who could see that I had a dream, and didn't mind standing in the background while I worked on it. Someone who was just there to keep me company, and could clearly see there was no room in my life for anything but hard work. Certainly, no room for anything as trivial as romance.
When the realization that all the effort put forth to get my songs recorded wasn't going to pay off, I felt a bit empty. My children were growing up and I had missed my deadline. Not only was I not going to become a major force in the music industry, but I was going to grow old alone. There was no one to share my hopes and dreams . . . my ups and downs. No one to lean on when I needed a shoulder, or tell me they still believed in me, even when I didn't. No one to sit with me all night, wanting nothing more than my company. No one to tell me they would be there for me, no matter what I thought I was supposed to do.
Was there anyone like that out there? Was there anyone who could love me that much? Anyone who could teach me to love that much? Even if there was, how was I supposed to find him with that kid from next door hanging around all of the time? Well, it was clear to me that I needed to send the boy on his way, so that an eligible man could find me.
After about a week, of peeking out my window, running to the door every time I thought I heard a knock, and coming up with excuses to borrow things from next door, I did a reality check. Was it possible I had overlooked something, or more appropriately, someone?
I put his name at the top of an imaginary list in my head: things I wanted in a partner. I found myself placing a check mark next to almost everything on the list.
"Oh no!" I thought. "What have I done? Was it too late? Did he move on, find someone else?" I almost started to panic, thinking that what I wanted may have been right beside me all along and I turned it away. Just as I was about to kick myself, a familiar voice said, "Open the door".
There he stood. He hadn't really ever gone away. He was just waiting for me. I suddenly realized that . . .
. . . I knew love.